From My Heart

I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing that I can do alone without the total help of the Father. I have been so depressed and undone lately, that I really feel as if at times I can’t go on. Then, I realize that I am only one of many people that are in the same boat. Some times I think the name of the boat is the “Titanic”.

Every time I get to feel this way, God shows me that I am not alone in the trials that haunt me. I literally feel ashamed of myself when I talk to others and find that they are so much more in need that I am. Who in the world do I think I am, whining about all this stuff that does not mean anything? So what that I can’t buy something that I think I need!

I talked to my brother tonight. He shared with me a true story about a man that my father knew many years ago. My dad called him “Rabbit“. An African-American man who lived in a small camping trailer with no running water, no electricity, and only propane for cooking. One evening not too long ago, he came to my brother’s place of business and sat and talked to my brother as he had many times with my dad.

My brother told me of their conversation and his little seven-year-old gift from God came into the office to “visit”. After a while of not being able to hide her obvious sensitive stomach at the odor, she politely left the room. Afterwards, my brother tried to explain to her about the fact that some people are blessed more than others.

He took her down the street where his tiny trailer sat so she could she where Rabbit lives. After a few moments of reflection she came up with a plan to sell things to give Rabbit the money so he would not be so poor. Later, with he dad, she talked about how she could help Bunny. Well, of course my brother could not understand what she talking about until he realized she was talking about Rabbit. All she knew was that his name was something that was cute and cuddly. When my brother asks her if she meant Rabbit instead of Bunny, she simply replied, “Well of course, who did you think I meant?“

To her little mind, it was all the same. She set all things in their proper place, at least for me. I have a warm home, running water, electricity, a place to bather, a place to sleep, a place that is clean, a place to cook and yet he would say that he was the one blessed. OH! How easily we lose track of what is really important in this life!

I’m not going to talk to you this time about bricks. Life is filled with all this stuff that comes at us. I simply want to pour my heart out to you. For now, it is my heart - my spirit that needs to say these things to you.

I have never been what you call rich. Not even moderately comfortable. Just doing good enough to get by. My parents were borderline poor when I was growing up and all five of us kids knew we didn’t have much, but we thought we had a pretty good life. We saw a lot of people that had more than we did. And we certainly saw a lot of people that had a lot less. We went to church all the time. Did what most every other family in our little community did. And we didn’t know any differently.

We were raised in a time and place that taught us values, honesty, integrity, sharing, and giving… and especially about love. Now I am not saying that my life was one happy moment after another, because it wasn’t. I think we all know that life doesn’t work that way. I grew up with a lot of questions of “How come?” and “Why?” and “why not?”

As I grew up, the questions kept coming, and that is when I really started seeking God. He was the only One who could answer me totally honestly. And He was the only One I could depend on at times. Don’t get me wrong; I had good parents. It was the rest of the world I wondered about.

As I grew up, I began to see that there were a lot of really ungodly things out there. I saw that people were not honest, or full of integrity. People were selfish and greedy, and thought only of themselves. I chose then that I would do everything that I could not to be that kind of person. Little did I realize that God had formed me in my mother’s womb? I was already destined to be the type of person He made me. It was up to me, however, to make the right choices that would allow me to actually “be” that person.

How do we become the people we are today? Is it by chance, or by Devine intervention? I believe the latter. Nothing, absolutely nothing ever happens by chance. Experiences of my youth, my young adulthood, my middle years, and now my golden years are merely by chance. It is not y chance that I have faced many, many trials these last few months. My loving Father in Heaven has ordained it all to continuously mold me into His image.

Sometimes I cooperate and sometimes a really I am a stinker. Well, my friend, lately I have been a stinker. It has taken a wonderful little seven-year-old girl to put things back into place. When my mother died a couple of years ago, she helped me at times as we went about cleaning Ma-Ma’s house so we could get ready to go through her things. She was such a happy little girl even though she had just lost someone very dear to her.

One afternoon when the newspaper carrier tossed the evening paper into the yard, she ran out the door, picked it up, held it up to the clear blue sky and asked Ma-Ma if she could see it, and in a moment, she ran into the house said, “Ma-Ma saw the paper!” She was full of joy, laughter, and pure happiness. She had done something good for her Ma-Ma.

She didn’t think about herself, or how sad we were, or that she would never see her Ma-Ma again on this earth. All she knew was that she had done something good for someone that she loved. Plain and simple.

She went about the afternoon doing little girl things, and once again, she ran out the door with a piece of a coloring book that she had been working on all afternoon. Not knowing what she was up to, I ran after her just in time to see her come to a very quick halt and with great joy announced, “See, Ma-Ma, I stayed inside all the lines just for you!” “Do you like it?” I literally lost it as that moment. Out of such innocence, she gave nothing but pure love.

That my friend is what I am talking about. When was the last time we did anything out of pure love? When was the last time we were grateful for even the smallest of blessings? When did we last share with someone that was in need material things, or a kind word, or a little thing called hope? If we don’t even have that to give, then we truly are poor.

Our hope is in Jesus. Our life is in Jesus. Our future is in Jesus. Our every thing is in Jesus! I have lost sight of this these past few months, and am very ashamed that I have let the cares of this world gradually take over my thoughts, my action, and even my prayers.

My dear friends, I ask of you to forgive me for not being as sensitive to you, as I should have been. For those of you that read regularly you know that I write from what God want me to. However, at times, it may not be with as much sensitivity as it needs to be with.

Please hear my heart. I love God with all my heart; so therefore, I love all of you with all my heart. I desire to serve Him, so therefore, I desire to serve you in any way I can. I want to be that person of honesty, integrity, filled with joy, laughter and about all love. Please be blessed, in whatever situation you find yourself in. I know I will think of this wonderful old friend of my father’s, Rabbit, and know that God loves him enough to send Jesus to die for him, and that at night when it is cold and Rabbit is alone; he has the warmth of the loving Heavenly Father. At no time will he ever be alone. He has Jesus.

SO DO WE ALL!