FORGIVE! WHO? ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really wonder if it is possible for me to come to a place of total peace. I have walked in many different shoes over the years and have learned so many things as I wore those shoes that I wonder if I could ever absorb it all. I think I shall take a little time to explore a few of the places that I have walked and hopefully can look back and see a definite pathway that had been chosen for me.

I have experienced many, many times of confusion about the subject of forgiveness. Even as a child, I can remember my parents, and others, always say things like, “you are just going to have to forgive and forget.” However, that is easier said than done. RIGHT!!! I simply walked through my childhood having to say those awful words, “I’m sorry” and of course not meaning it most of the time. As I grew to some kind of understanding that the things that I said or did had an effect on others, I realized that those two little words actually meant something. I did not come to this conclusion just because others told me, it was simply that I had to experience the heart emotion of being forgiven and then my need to forgive became more of a reality.

If I may, I want to take a little side trip and give you an example. I have two brothers and two sisters. I am the oldest sister and I have an older brother and a younger one. Even though I was not the oldest I always felt as if I were the “BOSS” and still feel that way to an extent today, however I have hopefully changed the way I display my feelings. I still try to get others to see things my way but with a little more wisdom in how to get it done. Anyway, I can remember having this huge quarrel with my sister about the way we were going to arrange our room. We had to share a room and things got a little cramped as we grew older and needed ‘our own space’ and we could not agree on anything. Which way to put the two large beds, the way we put the dressing table, even down to the way we put away our things became a constant battle. Well, of course, my mother of five children had to really try to put this squabble aside and go about doing the really important things of running the household. I can remember her telling us over and over again to ‘STOP THAT FUSSING AND WORK IT OUT”. We would each go to her and plead our case, usually all at once and the stress grew and grew. Now this did not go away overnight. This lasted for quite some time and it began to spread hatefulness thru out the house, to everyone that got in its way. I know now that mother was trying to get us to settle this on our own, however that did not happen. We all wanted what we wanted and THAT WAS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course this entire situation made our brothers, one was oldest and the other the youngest, very happy. They were so glad to see such strife and fighting that they knew that they weren’t going to be in trouble for they literally encouraged each of us to ‘get what we wanted, to heck with what the other sister wanted’. Needless to say this continued on till a real sense of hatefulness and unforgiveness seemed to be the only feelings that were felt by everyone in the house. Now when my dad came home from working hard all day and all his daughters were at odds, again he, at first, let it go. He knew it would work itself out, just as my mother had hoped. After a time of this attitude being the only thing he came home to he finally sat us down and really gave us a good, strong talking to. Now if we had been a lot younger he simply would have spanked us promptly and that ended any discussion, however we were a little older and we really needed to learn how to solve our problems instead of just being corrected.

How my dad solved the problem seemed to be the worst possible solution imaginable.
He actually made us stand in front of each other and say these words “I am sorry for the way I have acted and I apologize to each of you and you may fix the bedroom any way you like.” OH! MY GOODNESS!!!!!! Well, of course none of us meant it but we still had to say it. Wait, that is not the end to this little saga. We had to do this exchange of words every day or every time we got angry about the bedroom until my dad was satisfied that what we said actually came from our hearts and that we really meant it. It seemed to take my entire life for that to finally happen, to get to the place where I could say it and not be full of anger and unforgiveness. Actually, it was only a few days, a few intense days, but still only a few day until we finally embraced each other, in actual tears, and gladly gave in and told each other that each sister could do what ever they wanted to do in the room and that we were truly sorry for the way we acted toward each other and to the rest of the family. Well, of course, here came the tears, all around, and lots of hugs and then laughter erupted as we ran to our room and rearranged everything in it. Even our brothers helped and our parents simply looked pleased that we had “WORKED IT OUT”.

Now you are wondering how this applies to yourself. The key, my dear friend, is in the confession of being sorry until the heart (spirit) finally catches up with the words. At first the words were that, only words and then finally they became a part of us and then we were able to get them out, to express how we really felt. My dad knew that we had to say it till we meant it. There have been times that it took years to finally be able to say that I forgive or forgave someone before I realized that it had finally taken place. So do not feel that the words ‘I’m Sorry!’ that were just spoken are the magical end to all that needs to be done. Let the spirit take those words and do the work in your heart, mind and your entire being. Basically all that you did was start the process by an act of your free will to choose to forgive. Now don’t get me wrong, there are times that the forgiveness is immediate and it is truly from your heart. If that is the case, you are truly a blessed individual.

Forgiveness is a strange act that has been misunderstood by everyone at least once in their life. Most of us can feel if someone is truly forgiving or if the words are just that, words, without meaning.

Jesus understood the words and all they meant when the crowd cried out for him to be crucified and the people wanted his death more than anything. Jesus asked His Father to forgive them because they didn’t know what they were doing. Jesus understood beyond our comprehension all that was necessary for forgiveness to take place. He showed us that we are to forgive others as much as He wanted God to forgive His murderers. That understanding is so deep and hard to fathom at times that we simply tend to ignore the fact that forgiveness is not an option. IT IS NECESSARY!!!!!!!! We will go a little farther into this world of forgiveness in my next writing. Until then I pray that God’s mercy and grace abide with you and that if you are confronted with the act of forgiveness that you will make the choice to forgive.

BE BLESSED, DIANE